PA Days

I wish that they could last for a week. T has been so sick the past 2 months, she seems to be finally on a good stretch and I dread sending her back to school tomorrow. The stomach flu and cold are running rampant. It's quite hard to explain to a 4 year old why they must not stick their little fingers anywhere. She tries very hard but she is...well she is 4.

She is sitting here quietly in her little "Tink" top, leggings and legwarmers. I know that tomorrow, she will already be 20 and not needing me as much. The thought makes me feel ill. Though I look forward to seeing her grow into a woman, I love having her little and dependent. Seems like yesterday, she was 10 minutes old.

I fear growing old. I fear death even more. But those thoughts need to be kept at bay.

My mother is moving 5 hours away next week and though I have said nothing because I want to support her and make this easy, I am feeling the sadness in my heart creep in. I will miss having her close. It will be especially hard on T. They share such a special bond. A deep connection...

For now, I am enjoying our girlie day together. Trying not to let melancholy set in. I always have to wonder if it's mental illness or reality of life that give me these feelings...the one feeling I never want to lose, is the one of complete peace when I hold my Princess in my arms. Perfection.