Hypocrisy

Last Sunday, I went to church as I normally try to do. I sat and listenned to the chosen speaker tell the congregation about the wonders of repentance. The origins, the reasons, the wonders of God. All of it. Rather interesting and uplifting.

At the end of worship, I waited for the person leading to invite us to come to the front and pray should it be needed. I needed some prayer and I am certain that others did. That invitaion did not come.

Instead, a man asked to speak to the congregation. The man leading worship accepted warmly and the man came to the front of the church to speak to us.

This man was lost. I believe that he had been for quite some time but that is not something that I can be certain of. He asked us if he could ask a question. He had been fasting for 5 days in search of spiritual enlightenment. He needed help. Our help. So then came the question; "Do any of you know what the mystery of Christ is? Why he believed that his father had forsaken him on the cross when he was himself the Lord and should have known everything his father knew?"

I myself coming from a catholic background must admit that I am a bit jaded. The catholic upbringing that I came from taught me to fear God. To only do as I was said and ask no questions. It was also led by supposed God chosen people who, on one hand would say, Love thy neighbour...yet on the other hand, prosecute ANYONE who is not like us, who does not believe in what we believe in. I would say that many christians are this way. They were mislead and do not fully understand the concept that God is the only one that can judge us. That God loves all of his creations. No matter. And that he does not forsake his children. This is what this church has been trying to teach me.

The moment the words left the man's mouth, the air in the church became stiff, suffocating, negative, almost threatening. Some started quoting psalms, others argued that the man did not want an answer but only to attack. Then...one of the speakers that I had enjoyed the most went to the day's speaker (the one who spoke of repentance) and urged her to speak.

And so she did.

"This is neither the time or place for this type of question." she seemed to hiss.

I stood there open mouthed and truly mortified. Not by the fear of this troubled man pulling out a gun and opening fire, but of what I had just heard in response to him. Not the time or place? This woman who had sermoned for over 30 minutes about repentance and God's great forgiveness and love had just knocked this poor man down in an instant.

Is this what my new church is? A church filled with hypocrits unwilling to help their fellow man? Again?

I just had my beautiful daughter dedicated in this church not long ago and this, this is the type of reaction, response, that her ever so loving congregation is offering? THIS is what they have pledged to teach her?

I felt as though my heart had lept out of my throat. One woman stood up and started to profess everyone's doom at not believing in the Holy Mother and that's when I took my bearings, ran downstairs, grabbed my daughter and ran out. I ran out of what I thought had become a safe haven for me. Like a scared child. A place of acceptance, love and morals. A place where, I would be able to feel God's work through my fellow Christians. This had been the promise made to me there.

Instead...I saw anger, defensive stances, closed minds. And I am shattered. Had I not been so sickened by the scene, had I been more at ease with scripture and God himself, I would have run to the front and cried shame to the entire church. But then, who am I to do this? I came there to learn. To feel. God. Certainly, I could not be more knowledgeable than these "Leaders" who shot down this poor man. Could I be? Wasn't there ANYONE in this entire congregation that could stand up and put things into perspective? Shout; "SHAME ON YOU!! If THIS isn't the time or place, then where...WHERE can our brother turn to? Is this what our Father has taught us?"

Instead, the leader of the day, a man that I believe is an angel sent to earth, acknowledged the poor man's need and settled things quickly, quietly. Is this what the congregation deserved? What this man deserved? Again, I cannot judge. It is not my place. But I have to say, I am so, so disappointed. So broken hearted. And now I look at my church when I pass by with sorrow, anger and an immense sense of loss.

If I can't turn to my brothers and sisters, if a simple man cannot turn to us as a church, where on earth do I belong? Where can I possibly fit in?

I am lazy

Haven't posted in a while. Probably because I'm not frustrated about much Hah! However, I SHOULD be posting about good things as well.

We're having a crisis with our girl. She has always hated bed time. Always. Since birth.

Last night I got the biggest tantrum...she's never done this. Ever. I know what some are saying "Don't let her win, she's manipulation you blablabla" It's so easy for everyone to say how much better they can or would handle it. Well...apparently, I can't. She went to sleep finally but woke up a few hours later and we let her come to bed with us. Bad mom.

And now, I must tend to my stressed out husband who is texting like crazy over finances...ah the joy.